The Comatose State of Modern-Day Resumes
Ah, the modern resume – that gloriously bland, buzzword-infested, snooze-inducing document supposed to represent the vibrant, breathing, occasionally blinking human that are you. It’s what recruiters stare at, day in and day out, as their coffee goes cold and their will to live wanes. You can almost hear them now, can’t you? The soft thud of their heads hitting the desk, a chorus of sighs as they wade through the mire of “team players” and “synergy enthusiasts.” It’s a snooze-fest epidemic, and your resume is probably the DJ.
Now, why exactly does your resume read more like a soothing prescription than the bold proclamation of your professional prowess it’s supposed to be? It could be because we’ve all been taught to play it as safe as a turtle in its shell. But fear not – I’m here to tell you that it’s time to break free from the shackle of the snooze button and add a jolt of caffeinated vigor to your resume. We’re talking triple-shot espresso, hold the decaf, with a side of “Did that resume just make me feel alive?” It’s time to spice up the bland, kick the tires, light the fires, and give those weary-eyed recruiters something that’ll make them sit bolt upright and say, “Well, hello there, candidate I must meet before my next coffee break!”
So buckle up, buttercup. We’re about to infuse your resume with the charisma that hiring managers need a paper bag to breathe into. It’s time for a resume renaissance, and you, my friend, are the da Vinci of your employment destiny. Let’s get started, shall we?
Knowing Your Audience: The Sleep-Deprived Recruiter
Picture the recruiter: 200 resumes deep and counting sheep
Imagine, if you will, a dimly lit room where the glow of a computer screen casts a haunting pallor on a recruiter’s face. This is no ordinary recruiter; this is a recruiter who has seen things – things like your resume and about 199 others, all before lunch. Their eyes have glazed over like a fresh batch of doughnuts at the mere mention of “hardworking” and “team player.” They’re slumped in their chair, their caffeine buzz has worn off, and they’re inadvertently swiping left on what could be your dream job as if it were a bad dating profile.
Understanding the recruiter’s quest for the holy grail of uniqueness
Now, our dear recruiter isn’t just a passive victim of resume overload – oh no. They’re on a bold quest, much like a knight in shining armor, but instead of a dragon, they’re up against a beast of a different sort: the mediocrity monster. They sift through the slush pile, hoping to find that one resume that stands out – the holy grail of uniqueness in a chalice filled with the stale wine of sameness. They long for a dazzling bullet point that could light up the Vegas strip, a compelling job description that might warrant a movie adaptation.
Crafting your resume as if it were a lifeboat in an ocean of monotony
So how do you craft this mythical resume that will make our sleep-deprived recruiter sit bolt upright, eyes wide with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning? Think of your resume as a lifeboat adrift in an ocean of monotony – it’s got to be lean, mean, and a beacon of hope in the endless blue.
First off, chuck the jargon overboard. If your resume reads like it was written by a robot, for a robot, you might as well be speaking binary because it’s all ones and zeroes to the weary recruiter. Instead, sprinkle some action verbs that pack a punch – think ‘orchestrated,’ ‘galvanized,’ and ‘catapulted.’ Make it sound like you didn’t just do your job; you were the Indiana Jones of your workplace.
And stories! Recruiters love a good yarn. Each bullet point should be a mini-saga of your triumphs. Did you increase sales? Don’t just say that – describe the Herculean effort it took, the strategy behind it, and the results as though you just returned from scaling Mount Everest.
In this sea of black and white, be the pop of color. Include achievements that show you’re not just another cog in the machine but the gear that turns the whole darn clock. Quantify your victories – numbers are the universal language of ‘I kicked butt and took names.’
Finally, remember that a recruiter’s attention span is shorter than a goldfish’s memory. Keep it concise and snappy, and for all that is holy, keep it interesting. A touch of humor doesn’t hurt either. After all, if you can make a sleep-deprived recruiter chuckle, you’re halfway to an interview.
So there you have it, job seekers. Your mission is clear: Wake the recruiter from their slumber with a resume that’s less ‘once upon a time’ and more ‘happily ever after’ in the job hunt fairy tale.
Breaking the Mold: Structure and Design That Pops
When it comes to design, there’s a thin line between the snooze-inducing and the sensory overload. You’re aiming for the sweet spot – that elusive place where your creation jumps out, grabs attention, and doesn’t let go until it’s left a mark on the retina. Let’s dive into the art of visual allure without making your audience wish they were colorblind.
The Fine Art of Choosing a Font That Doesn’t Scream “Robot”
A special corner of the underworld is reserved for the overuse of Comic Sans and Papyrus. Choosing a font is like picking out a tie for an extensive interview – you want something that says, “I’m professional, but I also know all the words to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’” Avoid fonts that suggest your document escaped from the 90s or was typed by a robot with a single square finger. You’re aiming for fonts with personality, not ones that make you look like you’ve been held hostage by the default settings. Opt for clean, legible, and with just enough character that it whispers, “I’m unique,” without shouting, “I’m desperately trying to be different!”
Layouts that Lead the Eye, Instead of Laying it to Rest
Have you ever read something so dull your eyes tried to stage a mutiny? A layout should be like a good tour guide: it leads you through the content without getting lost or distracted by a squirrel. Think of your page as a party where the text and images are the guests. You don’t want everyone clumped together in the kitchen (the center) or lurking awkwardly by the potted plant (the margins). Spread the elements like a well-planned soirée, giving each piece space to shine. Use headings and subheadings like breadcrumbs that Hansel and Gretel would follow, ensuring they don’t fall asleep or wander off to the neighbor’s barbecue by mistake.
Colors and Graphics: The Tightrope Walk Between Bland and the Vegas Strip
Regarding colors and graphics, you’re aiming for a cocktail with more “sophisticated flair” and less “I accidentally mixed all the drinks.” Too bland, and your design has the appeal of a rice cake; too vibrant, and it’s like a neon sign in a monastery. You want to strike that perfect balance where colors complement each other, and the graphics are the cherry on top, not the entire sundae. Remember, your design isn’t a contestant on a reality show trying to get noticed by being the loudest in the room. It’s the intriguing character that everyone wants to know more about because they’ve got style, baby, not just glitter and feathers.
Now that you’re armed with the secrets of fonts that play it cool, layouts that guide like a North Star, and a color scheme that doesn’t induce migraines, go forth and design like the Michelangelo of the modern era. Just remember, when it comes to making a visual impact, it’s all about charm and a wink – not a slap in the face with a wet fish.
The Hook: Riveting Opening Statements
Burying the objective statement with its ancestors
Let’s have a moment of silence for the objective statement, shall we? Once the crowning glory of every resume, this relic has finally been laid to rest next to floppy disks and privacy. What was the objective statement, you ask? A one-liner as vague as a politician’s promises: “Seeking a challenging position that will allow me to leverage my skills.” Rest in peace, dear friend. You will be noticed.
The objective statement is as helpful as a chocolate teapot in the brave new job-hunting world. Your objective was never a mystery. You want a job. You want money. You want to stop eating instant noodles for every meal. The hiring manager knows this. Let’s move on to something with a little more sizzle.
Summaries that sizzle, not fizzle
Imagine your resume summary is like the trailer for the hottest new movie. You would only start with a scene of the hero doing laundry if he’s about to discover a secret message stitched in his socks. No, you start with the explosion, the car chase, the scene that makes popcorn leap out of the bowl in shock.
Your resume summary should be the popcorn-leaping moment of your job application. It’s not the place to mumble about being a “hard-working individual.” That’s the equivalent of saying, “Our movie has actors!” Instead, pack that summary with action verbs and achievements that make the hiring manager’s heart race. “Slashed budget expenses by 20% without sacrificing the quality of office coffee”—now that’s a blockbuster.
Teasers that make them want to swipe right on your experience
Your work experience section should be like the best dating profile. You don’t start with, “I breathe regularly and am exceptionally proficient at maintaining a vertical posture.” That won’t get you swipes, my friend. You want your potential employer to fall head over heels for your bullet points.
Craft each bullet like a mini cliffhanger. “Revamped an entire department’s workflow, leading to a mysterious yet impressive 50% boost in productivity…” Leave them wanting more. Make them think, “Good heavens, we must meet this modern-day work wizard!” You want them to be so curious they’ll consider hiring you to find out what happens in the next episode of your thrilling work history.
Remember, the goal is to be the job-seeking equivalent of an edge-of-your-seat binge-watchable series. Be bold. Be brash. Be the candidate they can’t ignore because your resume reads like the opening scene of a summer blockbuster, not the back of a shampoo bottle. Happy hunting!
Experience and Skills: Storytelling That Sells
When selling yourself, your resume isn’t just a document—it’s the opening chapter of your professional epic. Think of job hunting as a form of modern courtship. You want to be the dashing hero who sweeps hiring managers off their feet, not the forgettable side character who gets written out after two episodes. Let’s dive into the art of making your work history sound like it deserves its movie deal, complete with a stirring soundtrack.
Turning Job Descriptions into Epic Sagas of Triumph
Imagine your job description is not merely a list of duties but a scroll detailing your legendary quests. Instead of “managed a team,” you “assembled a fellowship of productivity virtuosos, leading them through the treacherous valleys of Deadlines and the shadowy forests of KPIs.” Suddenly, you’re not just a manager; you’re a workplace Gandalf, minus the beard (unless beards are your thing, then by all means).
Every task you’ve tackled is a dragon slain. “Coordinated office supplies inventory” transforms into “masterminded the logistics of office armaments, ensuring the battalion was equipped to face the daily onslaught of paperwork warfare.” It’s not embellishment; it’s enthusiasm. And enthusiasm sells.
Skill Lists That Don’t Read Like a Grocery List
Now, let’s talk skills. If your list of skills reads like someone’s hastily scribbled shopping list—eggs, milk, proficiency in Excel—you’re doing it wrong. Your skills are your arsenal, the tools that make you a one-person A-Team.
Don’t just say you’re “detail-oriented.” That’s about as captivating as watching paint dry. Say you have “an eagle eye for details that would make Sherlock Holmes question his career choice.” You’re not just good at time management; you’re “a time-wrangling wizard, bending minutes and hours to your indomitable will.” When the hiring manager finishes reading your skill set, they should be half-convinced that you’ve got superpowers.
Marrying Metrics with Mirth: Quantifying Achievements with a Punchline
Numbers are your secret weapon, the silent heroes of your resume saga. But don’t just throw them out there like confetti. No, you weave them into your narrative with the agility of a stand-up comic delivering a killer punchline.
Instead of “increased sales by 10%,” how about “ushered in a 10% surge in sales, much like a knight in shining armor ushers in hope, except with better ROI.” Or, instead of “reduced customer complaints by 20%,” try “plunged into the treacherous waters of customer dissatisfaction and emerged victorious, reducing complaints by a whopping 20%, ensuring peace reigned in the kingdom once more.”
By marrying metrics with joy, you’re proving that not only do you get results, but you also have the personality to match. You’re a number-crunching, punchline-delivering powerhouse, and who wouldn’t want that on their team?
In conclusion, don’t just tell them about your experience and skills; sell them a story they can’t resist. Turn your resume into a page-turner, and the only thing they’ll be interviewing you for next is the sequel.
Personalizing the Professional: Interests and Hobbies with a Twist
The delicate dance of personal interests: quirky but not alarming
So, you’ve got hobbies. That’s fantastic. You’re a well-rounded, interesting human being with passions and pursuits that make you more than just a cog in the corporate machine. But when it comes to weaving those personal interests into a professional setting, it’s like doing the tango on a tightrope. You want to be the standout candidate who raises bonsai trees and knows Klingon, not the one who raises eyebrows because your favorite pastime is cataloging the various types of lint in your navel.
Navigating this minefield requires a deft touch. Mention that you enjoy amateur taxidermy, and you might send your interviewer scrambling for the exit and, on the other hand, chatting about your love for baking artisanal bread. That’s the scent of warm, wholesome employability wafting through the air.
Hobbies that hint at hidden depths, not hidden bodies
Your hobbies suggest that you’re a person of depth and substance. They’re the breadcrumbs that lead others to the gingerbread house of your soul – and no, we’re not suggesting you build gingerbread houses unless you’re applying to work at the North Pole.
If your pastimes include exploring abandoned subway tunnels, it’s crucial to frame it in a way that says, “I’m an urban explorer with a love for history,” not, “I’m practicing for the day I need a quick getaway.” Similarly, if you’re into drone racing, ensure it comes off as high-tech sports enthusiasm, not as “I’m preparing for the inevitable robot uprising.”
Volunteering: How to make good deeds sound like great adventures
Volunteering: it’s not just for polishing your halo. This is where you get to be the main character in an epic saga of selflessness, battling the dragons of social injustice, armed with nothing but your wits and a heart of gold. It’s your chance to show that you’re not just sitting around, waiting for good things to happen – you’re out there, in the trenches, making them happen with your bare hands (and maybe a fundraising gala or two).
But beware of the humblebrag quicksand. There’s a thin line between “I helped build a school in an underprivileged community” and “I’m a saint with a LinkedIn profile.” Stick to the narrative of adventure, growth, and the joy of giving back. You want to come across as the Indiana Jones of philanthropy, not the person who only volunteers for the free t-shirts.
In summary, blend those personal tidbits into your professional image with the care of a master chef. A dash of personality can spice up the blandest resume stew. Remember, while serving up slices of your fascinating life, keep the portion size modest. After all, you want them hungry to learn more about you, not overwhelmed by your extracurricular exploits.
Cover Letters That Captivate
Anecdotes over Anecdotes: Opening Lines That Hook
Have you ever read a cover letter that starts with, “I am writing to apply for the position of X, as advertised on Y”? Yawn. Your potential boss has read it, too. About a thousand times. Before breakfast. If your cover letter opener were a movie, it’d be “The Fast and the Snoozerous.” So how about we try something else? Like anecdotes.
Picture this: “The first time I ever sold anything was a mud pie to my neighbor—and I got a nickel for it!” Now, doesn’t that beat the snooze-fest above? It’s the hook, the line, and the sinker. It says you’re a born salesman, a charmer, and possibly a future mud pie magnate. The point is to start with a story as unforgettable as your grandma’s secret cookie recipe.
Turning Requirements into Punchlines: Meeting Criteria with Wit
Job descriptions can be as dry as a popcorn fart. “Must have five years’ experience in…” Snooze. But what if you turned that yawn-fest of a requirement list into a stand-up routine? Metaphorically speaking, don’t show up to your interview with a mic and a minimum of two drinks.
The job needs someone who is detail-oriented. Try, “I spot typos from a mile away; I’m the person who notices when they use the wrong ‘there’ in a meme.” You’ve just proven you’ve got the eagle eyes of an English teacher without the red pen and the need to discuss Shakespeare constantly.
The Fine Art of Not Repeating Your Resume in Prose Form
Your resume is the steak—solid, full of protein, and gets the job done. Your cover letter? It’s the sizzle, the marinade, and the garlic butter on top. Now, imagine someone serving you a steak… and then describing the steak to you in great detail. “This is beef. It is cooked. You will eat it.” That’s what it sounds like when your cover letter parrots your resume.
Instead, use your cover letter to tell the tales your resume can’t. Narrate the epic saga of how you increased sales by 300% using only a paperclip and your wits. Spin the yarn of the time you led a team through the perilous wastelands of a project deadline with nothing but a motivational poster and a bag of jelly beans.
So, my job-seeking jesters, remember: the cover letter is your stage, the hiring manager your audience, and your job is to put on a show that gets you a standing ovation—or at least a second act in the form of an interview. Now go forth, and may your cover letter be as captivating as a circus performer who fears heights. It’s a tough act, but someone’s got to do it—and it might as well be you, the show’s star.
The Final Polish: Proofreading with Panache
Let’s talk about the grand finale of resume writing, shall we? That’s right, the final polish, the last hurrah, the proofreading extravaganza. It’s akin to buffing a diamond or waxing a vintage Cadillac — except, you know, with less bling and more verbs.
Why typos are the resume equivalent of food in your teeth
Picture this: you’re at a job interview and have a smile that could light up the whole room. But, unbeknownst to you, a piece of spinach is lodged between your incisors. It’s distracting, unfortunate, and frankly, all anyone will remember. That, my friends, is what a typo does to your meticulously crafted resume.
Typos screams, “I’m the Picasso of carelessness!” They make hiring managers think you approach detail with the same fervor one might reserve for watching paint dry. Each little typo is a tiny goblin gleefully undermining your professionalism. So, floss your resume, pick out the pesky bits, and let your qualifications shine unimpeded by the dental residue of the English language.
Getting a second set of eyes: Why your cat’s critique just won’t cut it
You may think your cat is the bees’ knees regarding companionship. But when it’s time for a resume review, Whiskers is about as helpful as a screen door on a submarine. Sure, they’ll sit on your keyboard with the poise of a seasoned editor, but unless they start meowing in fluent Cover Letters, it’s time to seek human assistance.
A fresh pair of human eyeballs can spot what you’ve glossed over a hundred times. They’ll catch you accidentally wrote “manger” instead of “manager,” saving you from the embarrassment of implying you’re adept at handling Christmas nativity scenes instead of leading teams. So, pass that resume to a friend, a mentor, or even a professional – anyone who can differentiate between ‘there,’ ‘their,’ and ‘they’re.’
Reading it backward: An old editor’s trick for fresh eyes
If you’ve never read your resume backward, you’re missing out on one of life’s simple pleasures. It’s like doing a handstand and seeing the world upside down — disorienting but oddly enlightening. Starting from the last word and working your way to the first forces your brain to look at each word separately, not as part of the cozy context-blanket it’s snuggling under.
This old editor’s trick is like a scavenger hunt for the sneaky, slippery little errors that usually slip by undetected. You’ll be amazed at what pops out when your prose does not hypnotize you. It’s like discovering that Waldo has been hiding in your resume all along, dressed as a typo.
So, there you have it. Proofreading isn’t just a mundane step; it’s the final crowning jewel in your job application process. Give your resume the sparkle it deserves, and you’ll waltz into that interview with the confidence of someone whose teeth are gloriously free of unwanted garnish.
Test Driving Your Masterpiece: The Mock Recruiter Run-Through
Crafting the perfect resume is akin to baking a soufflé in an earthquake – it requires precision, patience, and a touch of delusion. Once your magnum opus is ready, it’s time to throw it into the gladiator arena we call the “Mock Recruiter Run-Through.” This is where the rubber meets the road, the pen meets the paper, and your friends meet their inner Simon Cowell.
Enlisting friends, enemies, and frenemies for brutal honesty
First things first, gather your most trusted allies – and your most honest adversaries. You want feedback that’s as subtle as a sledgehammer. Friends will pat you on the back, but enemies will throw the book at you, and frenemies give you that confusing mix of a smile and a stab. Each one of these delightful individuals will offer their unique brand of criticism, which is invaluable because, let’s face it, recruiters won’t exactly send you a “What We Hated About Your Resume” newsletter.
How a six-second scan can save you six months of job searching
Recruiters are like the Flash on his fifth espresso shot – they zip through resumes faster than you can say, “Hire me!” Therefore, your resume must pack more punch than a caffeinated kangaroo. The six-second scan is not a myth; it’s the brutal reality of your resume’s lifespan. If you can’t catch their eye in the time it takes to sneeze, bless you, but you’re not getting the job. When your friend takes a glance and immediately asks, “So, what exactly is it that you do?” – you’ve got some serious editing to do.
The feedback loop: Tweak, refine, and repeat
Feedback is the breakfast of champions, or in your case, the midnight snack of desperate job seekers. Once you’ve collected enough scathing reviews to question all your life choices, it’s time to tweak, refine, and repeat. Adjust your resume as if it were a bonsai tree: a snip here, a tuck there, and voilà – a masterpiece fit for a recruiter’s fleeting gaze.
Every critique is an opportunity to perfect your pitch, so grab your red pen and prepare for Round Two. Or Three. Or Seventeen. With each iteration, your resume will get stronger, and your skin will get thicker until finally, it doesn’t just whisper your qualifications – it belts them out like an opera singer at a heavy metal concert.
So, suit up for the mock recruiter run-through, my friends. It’s a rite of passage as essential as the job search itself. You’ll laugh and cry, and if you’re doing it right, you’ll end up with a resume that’s as polished as your uncle’s bald head at the family reunion. Happy tweaking!
The Wake-Up Call
Ah, we’ve reached the end, dear job hunters—our quest for the holy grail of employment, the non-soporific resume, is nearly complete. You’ve battled through the thicket of bullet points, the swamp of work experience, and the dark forest of cover letters. Now, you stand at the precipice, gazing down at your masterpiece, this beacon of employability that will stir the sleepiest hiring managers from their slumber.
But before you cast your paper vessel out into the tumultuous sea of the job market, let’s huddle for a final pep talk. Look, I know you’ve seen more rejection than a telemarketer during dinner time, but remember, perseverance is the name of the game. You are the plucky underdog in every sports movie ever made—down but never out, ready to make the impossible play just as the final whistle blows.
So fluff up that resume one last time, give it a peck for good luck, and send it on its way. May the job odds be in your favor, and may your inbox be flooded with interview requests. Remember, the only thing standing between you and your dream job is pretty much everything. But with your newly polished resume in hand, you’re ready to take on the world—or at least the part of it hiring.
Crafting a Resume That Doesn’t Put Recruiters to Sleep – Tips and Tricks
| Section | Details |
|---|---|
| Headline Creation | Use a strong, professional headline that encapsulates your career focus and personal brand. |
| Personal Summary | Write a concise, engaging personal summary highlighting your key achievements, skills, and career goals. |
| Relevant Experience | Focus on relevant work experiences for the job you’re applying for. Use bullet points to list achievements rather than responsibilities. |
| Skill Highlights | Include a section for skills pertinent to the job. Use both hard and soft skills, and consider adding levels of proficiency. |
| Customization | Tailor your resume for each job application. Use keywords from the job description to pass Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS). |
| Achievement Metrics | Quantify your achievements with metrics (e.g., percentages, dollar amounts, time frames) to make a stronger impact. |
| Resume Layout | Keep the layout clean, professional, and easy to read. Use headings, bullet points, and consistent formatting. |
| Action Verbs | Start bullet points with strong action verbs to convey your accomplishments (e.g., “Managed,” “Developed,” “Increased”). |
| Education and Certifications | List your highest degree first and any relevant certifications or ongoing training that applies to the job. |
| Professional Affiliations | Include any professional groups or associations you are a member of, especially those recognized in your industry. |
| Volunteer Work | Add any volunteer experience demonstrating your commitment to the community and additional skills. |
| Avoid Common Pitfalls | Steer clear of clichés, buzzwords, and generic objectives. Ensure there are no spelling or grammatical errors. |
| Contact Information | Make sure your contact information is up-to-date and professional. Use an appropriate email address and include your LinkedIn profile. |
| Interests and Hobbies | Optionally includes a brief section on interests if they are relevant to the job or show transferable skills. |
| Follow-Up | End your resume with a call to action, suggesting that you look forward to discussing how you can contribute to the company. |
Remember, the key to making your resume stand out is to personalize and align it with the job requirements, showcasing how your unique background makes you the ideal candidate. Keep it brief and visually appealing, and proofread it several times to ensure accuracy and professionalism.
More Tips for Crafting a Resume
The average resume has all the excitement of watching paint dry in a beige room—and that’s on a good day. But fear not, intrepid job seekers, for I have concocted a recipe for an enthralling resume that could rival the latest binge-worthy TV series.
Begin with a Bang, Not a Snooze
Start with a professional summary that packs a punch. If your opening line reads, “Responsible for managing a team…” you’ve lost them at “Responsible.” Try, “Steered a rambunctious crew of creative pirates toward uncharted territories, boosting company booty by 300%.” You’re not lying; you’re storytelling with flair.
Tailor, Don’t Copy-Paste
If your resume screams “one-size-fits-all,” it’ll fit perfectly into the trash bin. Customize your resume for the job like it’s a hand-stitched Italian suit. Show you’ve done your homework, and you’re not just throwing resumes at the wall like spaghetti to see what sticks.
Ditch the Zombie Language
Eradicate the jargon that’s been beaten to death and brought back to life more times than a villain in a horror movie series. Instead of saying you “leveraged synergies,” perhaps confess to being the Gandalf of your workplace, forging alliances like they’re rings of power.
Achievements, Not Just Duties
Instead of listing off job duties like you’re reading the side effects of a sleep aid, showcase your achievements with the drama of a reality show finale. Did you increase sales? Don’t just say that; declare you made numbers soar like an eagle in a wind tunnel.
Keep It Short and Sweet
Your resume should be like a miniskirt: long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep things interesting—two pages max, or one if you can wield English like a ninja with a haiku.
Design That Doesn’t Look Like a Tax Form
If your resume layout looks like a bureaucrat designed it, it’s time for a makeover. Use clean lines, a touch of color, and a font that doesn’t scream, “I did this in Word 97.” Remember, you’re not filing taxes; you’re showcasing your brand.
Buzzwords: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
Yes, there are good buzzwords, like “adaptability” or “emotional intelligence.” Then there’s the bad and the ugly, like “thought leader” or “rockstar,” which will only get you eye rolls and sighs. Use the good sparingly, like a strong spice.
Interests: The Human Touch
Include a section for interests that makes you sound like an actual person, not a resume robot. But remember, “long walks on the beach” is not an interest; it’s a dating profile cliché. “Amateur Tarantula hairstylist” is more like it.
Proofread, For the Love of All That Is Holy
One typo and your resume is toast. Not the good kind of toast, either. We’re talking burnt-toast-that-sets-off-the-smoke-alarm level. Proofread it, have your friends proofread it, and then have their friends proofread it.
End with a Call to Action
Conclude with something that makes them want to pick up the phone immediately. Something like, “Call me, and together, we’ll make history—or at least, a lot of money.”
So there you have it, folks. A resume that can make recruiters’ hearts race as they’ve just chugged a triple espresso. Conquer the job market, one exhilarating bullet point at a time.